Went out with my brother and a couple of his friends.  After a few warm-up pints in a seedy pub on London Road we walked to the restaurant Dim Sum, a mere hour after the time we'd booked for.

Personally I thought the place was reasonably well known, but judging by the taxi driver who got me down there in the first place not only is it not well known, but it could even be a figment of my imagination.  After repeating the name and location, he was still none-the-wiser, but drove on anyway in the knowledge I had passed on that it was a Chinese restaurant on London Road.

As soon as we got onto the road, he pointed out Candy Town.  "That's a Chinese restaurant!" he exclaimed, referring to a restaurant named as though it's owned by NAMBLA.  The fact it wasn't called Dim Sum seemed not to bother him.  I told him to keep driving.

Every time we passed a restaurant or takeaway with a Chinese name, he would excitedly point it out to me.  Each time I told him to continue on.  Eventually I saw the restaurant coming up, so I pointed it out to him.

"Ah, Golden Wang^*", he replied, referring to the takeaway a few doors down from the clearly marked Dim Sum restaurant.  I didn't bother to correct him.

Once inside we kept it real by ordering such delicacies as chicken feet (tasty, but the bones and gristle are an annoyance to constantly spit out) and sliced pork with jellyfish (reasonable enough taste, if somewhat mild, but a bit on the chewy side.  Not a patch on the steamed manifold I'd had before).

Gloriously, on the desserts menu they had the dish "Banana Flitters".  Unfortunately I discovered this while ordering, and so burst out laughing in front of the waitress.

We fed the four of us to the point of being stuffed, including a pint of beer each, for a grand total of £45 including tip.  Madness.

^*OK, I made that name up.  I can't remember what it was actually called.

Strippers:

After the meal and a good few more pints, we headed on down to a strip joint.  Being somewhat skint I stated I wasn't going to have any dances, and miraculously kept to my word.  So how to fend off the strippers?  Surely a simple "no thanks" is not the best way?

• Pretend the girl you're with is your girlfriend and doesn't approve.

  Ensues: Hilarity

  After initial success, the girl's real boyfriend reveals the truth, and the girl suggests a slap is in order.  I can now put a tick next to "GET HARD SLAP FROM STRIPPER" on my to-do list.

• Pretend to be gay.

  Ensues: Success!

  The three people I was with were all having private dances, leaving me vulnerable.  I needed a cast iron defence.  The girl (a rather hot one at that) approached me and asked "Would you be interested in a private dance?" to which I replied with a smile, in a slightly higher pitch than usual, "I'd be more interested if you had a cock."  She said "Can't say fairer than that!" before disappearing at record speed.

After walking back home (couple of miles uphill) I was pretty shagged.  Now I'd hate to suggest I'd drunk too much, but I did end up lying down in the kitchen for "a few minutes" to recoup the energy to go upstairs to bed.

Music ramblings (my own):

This is so annoying.  My inability to concentrate on anything extends to music, and so without days off work I'm just not getting much done.  This upsets me.

Music ramblings (other people's):

Girls Aloud look certain to be beaten to the top spot this week by McFly, despite entering on downloads at an impressive number 5.  Now I've got nothing against McFly, and further I certainly don't think this is the Girls' finest work, but the fact is McFly's new single is shit.  They just have a manic dedicated fan-base.