That is to say I would appear to be one.  A friend of mine has bought a new computer and needed to put Office on it.  She borrowed a copy from a friend, and then phoned me up with a query.  Noticing it had a product key, she feared it would somehow track her down as a pirate and she'd end up as someone's lesbian love-bitch in jail or something.

I reassured her that product keys are nothing to worry about, and her only problem was if it needed activation.  Cue a call 10 minutes later saying it needed activation.  At this point she resigned herself to buying a copy, for about £90 or so.

"Hold the fuck on," I said, "Why not just install Open Office - it'll do everything you need and is free".  And it will; she's a primary school teacher and so needs basic word processing only.  OO can easily cope with that sort of document and import/export from Word.  So after several minutes of explaining the concept of what free means "No, you don't need to worry about the fact you can't activate Office.  This is a different piece of software.  NO.  YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACTIVATE IT." she finally understood.

She came round several hours later.  I looked at her: "You bought a copy of Office didn't you?"  Of course she had.  Her excuse (because we all know that the real reason is as far as she's concerned Office has the only word processor in existence, and anything else I suggested clearly cannot meet her needs - especially with this whole confusing "free" malarkey) was that she needed to do some work right then, and couldn't download OO (see below).

Uncharacteristically I refrained from suggesting that she could just have easily have typed it in notepad, because all she'd need to do to finish it off in Office is press ctrl-A and select 14pt bold MS Comic Sans.  C'mon, you know it's true.

lol noob:

Yeah, her boyfriend (my housemate) asked me for help with the modem (old skool 56k!).  Apparently it wouldn't work because it didn't get a dial-tone.  After probing for more info, I discovered that plugging the modem into the phone system killed the dial tone for every phone in the house.

From this I amazingly surmised that there was a fairly significant hardware problem, and suggested they perhaps try a new cable.  There followed much conversation on the phone about different cable and connector types, made difficult by the fact I couldn't see what they saw.  A few days later my housemate came home with some interweb page printouts from the computer manufacturer's site.

"It's error 619 [or whatever it is] - no dialtone," he informed me, before going through the usual list of troubleshooting suggestions (turn off answerphone etc).  "Maybe I need to look for drivers?"  "No, it's a hardware fault.  It's killing the whole phone system."  "But this is the exact error we're getting - error 619"  "Yes, and we've already ascertained there's no dialtone BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FUCKING HEAR ONE THROUGH THE PHONE!  THE HARDWARE'S CAUSING THE PROBLEM!"  "But these are the solutions from the manufacturer"  "WHEN YOU PLUG THE MODEM IN IT TAKES DOWN THE WHOLE FUCKING PHONE SYSTEM IN THE HOUSE!  IT IS NOT A SOFTWARE ISSUE!  IT'S NOT EVEN GETTING THAT FAR!  IF YOU PLUGGED YOUR COMPUTER INTO THE MAINS AND IT BLEW UP WOULD YOU GO LOOKING FOR DRIVERS?"

Next day I got a phonecall "It turns out we'd plugged the phone cable into the network card instead of the modem."

Climbing:

Went bouldering at Shipley Glen last weekend.  I took a very unexpected fall from about 6 foot up.  Not sure what happened exactly - either my hand or foot must have just pinged off - but I do know I fell backwards, which is not exactly the ideal way to fall.  I managed to flail my feet back far enough that I didn't land on my back or head, but unfortunately this also meant my feet didn't land on the path, instead landing on the steep rock bank behind.

I was worried that I might have broken my toe or (worse) my ankle, but after I'd let the pain subside for a few minutes, I found they were both fine (though maybe a bit bruised round the joint).  Then the guy I was climbing with pointed out the big gash on my shin.  Because of the slope I'd landed on, my shin took the weight of my fall as well as my foot, and the rock had split the skin down to the bone.  There was a comedy patch of hair glued to the rock where it had torn off my shin.

After sitting still for 5 minutes to stem the bleeding and calm down (adrenaline-induced shakes aren't exactly helpful) I tried again and got straight up the climb.  Fuck it right up its ass.

I now have a big scab is very hard to avoid picking, but will bleed profusely if I do :(

Music (mine):

Not doing as much as I want.  I really wish I could work 3-4 day weeks so I could have some time to myself just for music.  Snatching 2 hours after work a couple of nights a week isn't even long enough to get into the project at hand, let alone do anything productive.  I REALLY need to find some way around this as it is actually depressing me that I can't get into my most favouritest hobby.

On the plus side, the UAD-1 plugs are simply amazing.  I can heartily recommend the cards, even though they are "old tech" and not really as powerful as they perhaps should be this day and age.  Still, I can always buy more if freezing tracks gets too much to handle.

Music (other people's):

Sugababes are releasing a greatest hits.  This will feature a grand total of 2 new tracks, one of which (Easy) will be released as a single anyway.  Given I have all 4 albums already, my incentive to buy is roughly 3%

Girls Aloud are, amusingly, also releasing one.  I think this features 3 or 4 new tracks, one of which (Something Kinda Oooh) will be a single - in case anyone's not heard it yet, it is a dancefloor stormer, and includes the word "tutu" right where it quite splendidly makes least sense.  Given I own all 3 albums already, my incentive to buy is roughly 13%.  EXCEPT!  There is a limited edition run including a bonus disc of unreleased demos etc.  You cunning, evil bastards!  Incentive to buy: 95%. 

Robbie Williams' song Rudebox.  I have given it a chance, and it is still dire, pointless, and faintly embarrassing.  It also has nothing whatsoever in common with JT's Sexyback, and I really wish people would stop talking as if it did.